Crunchy Mom Law
“It’s hard being the crunchy mom,” I said empathetically to my burnt-out friend as she opened up about her struggle as a new mom to live up to certain natural health standards like feeding on-demand and co-sleeping and cloth diapering. It was like looking at myself a year and a half prior, trying all the naturally-minded methods and feeling shame and defeat if they didn’t work. It was exhausting.
The “crunchy mom” trend is on the rise in this generation and—for the most part—I’m here for it. We are beginning to see the long-term effects of the health and lifestyle choices of our youth and understand how holistic approaches can reverse and even prevent a number of the effects for the next generation. In its heart of hearts, I really believe natural living is for the good of those who pursue it.
But the more deeply seeped I become in the crunchy community, the more I see the impracticality of some of its standards and the pressure it’s putting on moms or women trying to become moms. While I still wholeheartedly pursue a holistic lifestyle, I’ve had to learn the hard way to what end.
In this post, we’ll look at the good, the bad, and the ugly of “crunchy living” and where I believe we need to draw the line.
*Please note: I will be sharing pieces of my health journey in this post, however, I am not seeking medical advice or a diagnosis. Thank you.
What Is a Crunchy Mom?
A quick Google search of the word “crunchy” will yield a variety of definitions, so I suppose I should pause to explain what I mean by it. To me, being crunchy is doing things more naturally in relation to modern-day society. It’s approaching matters of health holistically, relying on food and sometimes natural supplements and remedies to heal our bodies rather than drugs.
It’s being mindful of the ingredients, not only in our food but in our household products and personal care items. It’s essential oils instead of candles, tinctures and salves instead of medicine, homemade instead of processed. Etc, etc, etc… I think you get the idea.
So a Crunchy Mom by definition would be a woman who pursues natural living for her and her family as well.
How I Became Crunchy
The year was 2019. It was Christmas Day (or night) at about 2:00 AM. I awoke to numbness in my left leg. Everything from my buttocks to my foot. All feeling… Gone.
It wasn’t the first time. My health was in a slow downward spiral and I had been observing a variety of concerning symptoms over the past year at that point leaving me physically numb, anxious, sick, skinny, infertile, and with little hair. But the numbness, which potentially concerned me the most, was getting worse.
I went downstairs and paced our kitchen and living room in the dark, praying and speaking Truth over myself while simultaneously Googling everything under the sun. In true Google nature, results ranged from “This is normal” to “You could be dying.”
Trying to remain calm, tears rolled down my face as I continued to walk in circles. But as I did, my right arm went numb. Then my left. Until finally, my right leg went numb, too, and I had no feeling in any of my extremities. I continued to pace, reminding myself that though I couldn’t feel my limbs, I could at least still move them. After a couple of hours, I slowly regained most feeling and decided to get some rest.
That evening, we joined some friends for a Christmas party. Everyone was laughing and having fun but—surrounded by the sounds of Christmas cheer—I rested my head on my friend’s shoulder, eyes glazed over, and whispered, “It’s happening again.” She rubbed my back and prayed over me as I tried not to let a single tear drop in such a happy moment.
And it was then that I decided enough was enough. It was then I made my decision to take back my health no matter the cost or the amount of discipline it required. I wanted to feel my body, gain weight, grow hair, enjoy food, and have a baby. I wanted to discover root causes and not just treat symptoms. I wanted to go the natural route to make my body a safe place to one day carry a child. And I was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen.
A month later, we moved back to the United States where a family member recommended a functional health doctor that had helped her when she was experiencing many of the same symptoms. And so my natural health journey began…
When Nontoxic Became Toxic
As it turns out, I was living with four GI infections, experiencing some major issues with my adrenals, and evidently having gallbladder attacks. These were all wreaking havoc on my body causing inflammation, food sensitivities, and hormonal imbalance among the previously mentioned symptoms.
I overhauled my diet and began taking natural supplements at the advice of my doctor. And after months of doing things “the crunchy way,” I found myself with-child and improving drastically.
I sold out to the crunchy life
because it worked for me.
When gallbladder attacks left me regularly curled up on the bathroom floor and everybody kept telling me to just have it removed, natural supplements and a couple of cleanses helped heal my body. I still have my gallbladder and haven’t had a full-blown attack in years.
It worked for me.
By the grace of God, after three years of infertility, seven months of working with a functional health doctor, and countless natural supplements and dietary changes, I found myself staring wide-eyed at a positive pregnancy test in my bathroom.
It worked for me.
When a run-in with mastitis at five weeks postpartum made my first pumping experience cruelly painful, I decided to exclusively breastfeed. Everywhere we’d go, I’d find a way to nurse my son regardless of how inconvenient it was. I made it work and…
It worked for me.
But somewhere along the line, doing things the natural way was no longer just what worked for me, it became law—Crunchy Mom Law.
Because these things worked and *added bonus* they were natural, they were therefore better. And anything else meant knowingly not giving my child the best I could give him.
But my crunchy mom pride came crumbling down when time after time I failed to live up to this law.
When my five-month-old would not sleep for the third month in a row, I caved to sleep training. I was ashamed and if anyone asked, I felt the need to justify my decision with, “I had postpartum depression” or, “It was a last resort. We tried everything else first.”
After seven months of pouring over online forums and blog posts, phoning friends, changing my washing routine, buying hard water tests, stripping my inserts, desperately and stubbornly trying to get our cloth diapers to not leak or smell like ammonia, I accepted defeat and gave up.
To make matters worse, my husband complained that the “cleaner” brands of diapers simply could not contain our son’s pee. “It’s the way we’re putting them on, it’s not the diaper!” I’d say defensively... We switched to Huggies and haven’t had a leak since.When I started spotting in my third pregnancy and put myself on bed rest, I let my 20-month-old—who had hardly been exposed to TV at all—watch Wild Kratts for days on end. I felt an overwhelming guilt for giving him screen time and keeping him inside in the summer despite my physical inability to do much else.
When said pregnancy was confirmed to be a miscarriage and I was in full, transition-like labor hemorrhaging in the hospital, the nurse asked if I wanted something to help the pain. I hesitated to weigh the pros and cons, agreeing with a tinge of guilt and the rationalization that I didn’t have a healthy baby on the other side of this labor.
When that month-long miscarriage just couldn’t seem to resolve on its own and the doctor recommended a D&C, I was ready to fight. Crunchy Mom Law had well-prepared me to say no to medical doctors, but it didn’t prepare me to know when to say yes.
Sometimes the natural ways don’t work for everybody. And sometimes I just can’t be that crunchy.
And in my own mortality against Crunchy Mom Law, I’m reminded once again of my need for the Gospel of grace, of my need for Jesus.
Where to Draw the Line
I write this post for two types of women: 1) Those who identify themselves as “crunchy” and 2) Those who do not.
If you do not consider yourself crunchy, there tends to be a stigma about women who do. The crunchy moms are often thought of as high-maintenance or—dare I say—snobbish. They are perceived as judgmental or “woo-woo.” Maybe that isn’t exactly how you’d say it, but my point is to encourage those of you who cannot relate to this post to consider that most crunchy moms didn’t get to this place overnight. Many have been through some serious stuff and breaking up with the idea of not doing certain things more holistically can actually illicit fear or be somewhat of a moral dilemma.
I’m not saying it’s right—my point is actually that it isn’t about right and wrong—but what I am asking is that you remember that every woman has a story.
And for the crunchy moms drowning under the pressure to make all the natural choices for their kids, please remember that you cannot ruin your children any more than you can perfect them. Do your best, but guard your heart. It is not defeat if the crunchy way didn’t work for you for one thing. It just didn’t work for you in that one thing.
Perhaps instead of measuring crunchy and conventional approaches on a scale of right and wrong, we simply need to measure them on a scale of what works for us and what doesn’t. Ultimately, our healing and the lives of our children are in the hands of our Heavenly Father. God is Creator, and God is Healer. Yes, I fully believe that God can invite us to participate in our victories. Our efforts are not pointless.
But we mustn’t forget our need for Jesus.
The pressure for moms—especially new moms—to live up to the natural health standards of this generation isn’t always practical.
While I still do my best to take a holistic approach for the sake of myself and my family, I hold it more loosely, especially in my heart. I try, but I’m choosing to no longer accept guilt and shame if my efforts don’t work. I’m stubborn, but I’m learning to what end. And I make changes without feeling the need to justify my decisions to others.
Being crunchy or conventional does not have to be an all-or-nothing. There is balance. It can be situational, not a definition of who we are. There is a line, and I believe we need to draw it in our hearts.
Lord,
Thank You that You are Healer. You are Sovereign. You are God and I am not. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. Let me not forget that, God. Let me not forget my deep need for You moment by moment. Let me not burden myself with the yoke of slavery anymore. Jesus has set me free and I am free indeed.
Give me wisdom, Lord, to choose wisely for my family in all things. Rid me of any false sense of guilt or shame. Free me from Crunchy Mom Law and allow me to mother or pursue motherhood with confidence. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
