Six Practical Ways to Handle Major Life Changes Well
We all go through major life changes at some point, and not all change is bad. Whether moving, starting a new job, getting married, having babies, empty nesting, retiring, etc... change is inevitable. But sometimes, we don’t always readily welcome change in our lives. Sometimes the newness of it all leaves us overwhelmed with feelings of discontentment or dissatisfaction and we find ourselves “getting through” the transition more than we truly handle it with grace. But maybe there is a way to approach the changes we face head-on and handle them well…
Navigating Life Change
Several years ago, I went through a lot of major life changes in a short time.
I re-entered the United States after being gone for a year
Began my first relationship
Moved across the country
Started a new job
Got engaged
Made new friends
Joined a new family
And got married all within one year
Though I’m so grateful for that season of my life, at the time, my emotional and spiritual health was pretty poor. The truth is, it had nothing to do with things going on around me, but everything to do with my perspective and lack of knowledge on navigating such big transitions.
As I’ve found myself going through more transitions since then, I’ve put together a list of six essential lessons I've learned and grown from to help me not just survive through life changes, but thrive in the midst of them. My hope is that these will encourage you through whatever challenging life changes you may (or may one day) be in, and avoid the slippery slope of bitterness and dissatisfaction.
Six Ways to Thrive Through Major Life Changes
1. SET OPEN-ENDED EXPECTATIONS.
People say all the time, “Don’t have expectations,” but let’s be honest… that’s not possible. Expectations are not bad in and of themselves, but if your expectations are narrowly defined, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, set expectations that allow for human error, surprises, and divine intervention.
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” — James 4:13-15
2. MAKE HEALTHY COMPARISONS.
Naturally, our minds compare the way our lives once were to the way they are now. Sometimes these comparisons help us improve and grow, which is healthy. However, be on guard against negative comparisons—declaring one thing as bad or weird, and another as good or normal. This is shifty territory as it can plant a seed for bitterness in your heart when current circumstances don’t seem to measure up or regret when you view your past as one big mistake. Instead, when you see a difference, it’s better to view it as just that… different.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace… He has made everything beautiful in its time. — Ecc. 3:1-8, 11a
3. ASK FOR HELP.
The "I can do it all myself" mentality really won't get you far in any situation. Swallow your pride and simply say, "Hey, I need help." More likely than not, you'll find someone who was in your exact shoes once before who can offer a helping hand or some much-needed advice. And the best part about asking for help is it draws unity which feeds community. When we stand together, we can accomplish so much more than we ever could alone.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. — Ecc. 4:9-12
4. DON'T ACCEPT ALL ADVICE AS "GOSPEL TRUTH."
Getting advice can be a helpful and humbling thing. Oftentimes, we like to be the advice seekers, but in a season of transition, you're more likely to hear unsolicited advice than ever before. When you're overwhelmed by change, this isn't always what you want to hear, because it can bring a rush of stress making you believe you are doing everything wrong, or confusion when you receive ten different pieces of advice on the same subject.
While it may be good advice and well-intended, I think it's important to know it's okay to NOT take every piece of advice from every "expert" on the season of life you're in. Yes, listen to advice, always say "thank you," but then humble yourself and discern if the advice is best for you or not.
The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps. — Prov. 14:15
5. PRAY FOR OTHERS.
When you're going through something big, it's easy to get caught up in what YOU need to get done or the emotional toll it's taking on YOU. While it's important to be honest with yourself and with God about where you are struggling, when it becomes your sole focus, over time it can lead you to become self-absorbed.
I admit when I'm under significant stress, I start thinking about myself a whole lot more and others a whole lot less. But if you feed that way of thinking for too long, you risk developing a victim mentality that can isolate you from others. If you think about yourself long enough, you'll start to believe you are the only one who cares about you.
What I've learned from battling this exact thing is to pray for others. While it's good to pray for yourself through whatever big transition you are facing, it's healthy to take a break from what you are going through and be reminded that everyone is fighting their own battle.
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. — Phil. 2:1-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. — 2 Cor. 1:3-4
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. — Romans 12:15
6. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.
This may very well be the biggest lesson learned in the aforementioned season of life I experienced. With so much newness going on around me, I quickly fell into the trap of making those pesky negative comparisons, which over time developed into one of the worst things I believe we could ever become... ungrateful.
When you're ungrateful, you're bitter. When you're bitter, you are not thriving but merely surviving. Rather than letting yourself get to this place, take time each day to find something you are grateful for. It doesn't matter how small the thing may be, making this a regular practice will save you more heartache than you can imagine.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. — 1 Thess. 5:18
Whatever season of life God has you in, remember that you are in it for a reason. You are not alone and Jesus has already won. Though you may find yourself overwhelmed at times with all the newness, my prayer is that these six simple pieces of wisdom can help you thrive amidst your transition.
